Update

Hi,

I didn't realize how long it had been since I updated the blog. Some interesting stuff has happened, and I also have a bunch of pictures to illustrate some of what has been going on. This first picture is a delicious cake thing that Sai Ha's mom made for me, which was very nice of her. These cake things were made in abundance because of some Cham celebration, sort of like a new years thing. People made towers of these things, hung money from them almost like Christmas ornaments, and brought them to the local mosques as offerings. I went to a mosque to get some lunch, and had to wear a pink and white scarf on my head, which was kind of ridiculous. Please refer to the horrendous picture of me.



They killed a cow or two for this party, and I actually sort of wanted to see that, weirdly. I have never seen an animal be killed for food and feel like it's something I should do. This idea is probably from reading Michael Pollan and other food-authors. Accountability for what you eat and all that.

The killing also interested me because it's basically a religious sacrifice, and I just read a book called American Gods by Neal Gaiman. It's a novel about how when immigrants came to the U.S. they brought their gods with them, but forgot them over time, so now the gods are weak and pissed off. Anyway, it was a good book, and was interesting because the concept of religion being so important that we would sacrifice animals (and even people, I guess) is so out there to me, but these cows were being sacrificed, and there were these cake-tree things with money in them, and it really registered that religion exists in Cambodia beyond the American sense of religion, which seems to mostly have become about God giving everybody money.

Also, a note on butchering. I'm fairly sure that people just hit dead animals with knives in arbitrary places. Chickens get chopped up with all their bones in place, and when you eat beef you get larger chunks of chopped up bone. That's what the picture of food is supposed to show. It's odd. Eating meat that is on whole bones in much easier, although I have eaten bone here which I never have before. Like in soup, chicken bones get fairly soft and can be chewed up. I ate a chicken neck a month or two ago, which was pretty tasty. Cartilage and other weird joint stuff that used to freak me out is pretty normal now, also.


In life news, it appears to be puppy season and the puppy population around my house has exploded. This little dude assaulted me at the bottom of my stairs one morning, and was chasing my feet around, generally being impossibly cute. One of his siblings also has been around, It makes me happy to pet dogs that enjoy it. Adult dogs here are, for the most part, extremely suspicious of people, and not down with affection. It isn't really surprising, given the way they are treated though. Even the puppies are messed with. I watched a really nice Khmer guy I know grab two by the scruff and hold them face to face with each other to make them fight, and an old woman picked one up by the front legs, looked at it briefly, then lowered it from one front leg until it was about 2 feet off the ground, then dropped it. This is like a two month old puppy! They get cuffed about, and the jaws clamped shut by hands until they cry, etc. etc. It sucks to watch. Anyway, until they don't like people I am enjoying being nice to them.


It's also puffy seed pod harvesting season apparently. The family I live with has a storage area that is full of these seed pods, and they take the fluffy stuff out and pack pillows and mattresses with it for extra income. It's fairly comfortable to sleep on, and is extremely soft. I don't know what it is, but it would be neat if you could make cloth from it. I included this picture so that hopefully some one can identify the plant.


Moving on to the shop.... I came back from my week off to see this giant pile of dirt by the entrance to the shop, and two cistern things installed inside the shop. I was pretty angry, because A) they are actually sewage tanks, and I don't understand why you would put that in the space you are living in, and B) they left the tops of the tanks sticking out like 6 inches! I (through Sai Ha) asked why they hadn't been dug in deeper so the tops where flush with the floor, and the guy who did the work said they are harder to pump out if you do. Considering the one at my house is completely buried, I was ready to tell him he was full of it, and go the whole flip out route. But I didn't want to deal with the repercussions, and to be honest, I'm just tired of dealing with the shop.


To expand on that last sentence, I am really ready to leave. I am tired of stressing about so much stuff, and being responsible for the success (or lack thereof) of this business, and all kinds of other stuff. I just want to go. Fortunately, I don't really have a ton of time left, so my wish will soon be granted.

Being perfectly honest, the shop will almost definitely not be making enough to support itself when I leave, and I don't know if it will in the near future. I'm going to pay the rent for 6 months after I leave, and leave the TC bros money to buy parts and cover other expenses, but I have a somewhat dim outlook on how the shop will fair after I go. I'm fairly certain that a student from MIT is going to come here and do some work over the summer, and hopefully she will be able to take the skeletal timbers I have put in place and build a better functioning business.

The two main problems are that I have essentially lost my motivation to make the shop better, and I also am having trouble of thinking of ways to add to the business. It's sort of a chicken vs. egg thing, like did I lose motivation first, or did I lose motivation because I don't know how to improve the situation. I haven't come to a conclusion other than not really worrying about it. I'm too focused on leaving, trying to sell my dirt bike, thinking about how to get a job when I get back, etc.

The trip to Malaysia for the F1 race in April looks like it may pan out though, which is a bright spot. There are no F1 races in North America anymore, so I really want to make it to this one. Should I be taking time off when the shop is kind of in a fragile place? Probably not. But I'm stubborn and feeling selfish, so I'm going. I still haven't left SLP or Phnom Penh, and am bitter enough that If I don't see Angkor Wat or anything else in Cambodia, It's unlikely that I will regret it.

Hope everyone is well. In case you couldn't tell, I'm looking forward to coming back and seeing people, but in the meantime I very much appreciate the support of the people who have been reading the blog and those who have been commenting. Thank you.

Ned.